Letting Go of the Need to Perform
Okay, so this blog doesn’t have tips or tricks. There’s nothing to download, no shiny new advice—just some thoughts I’ve been sitting with. And I’m feeling like that’s enough.
I’ve talked before about the pressure to perform, the pressure to show up on social media, to provide value, to make sure everything looks a certain way. It’s something I’ve been reflecting on a lot. For a while, I felt like if I wasn’t offering something useful in every blog post or social media update, then it wasn’t worth sharing. That’s been a hard mindset to shift, especially because I really care about what I’m putting out there. But I’m learning that sometimes, it’s okay to just share what’s on your mind. No agenda. No perfect takeaway. Just thoughts, experiences, and reflections.
And if someone connects with it? Awesome.
If not? That’s okay too. I can sit with that.
One of the things that’s really been on my mind lately is how much we’re all expected to “perform” on social media. There’s this constant pressure to show up in a certain way, to look a certain way, and to be performing all the time. And even if you’re being authentic, it’s easy to get swept up in the need to constantly perform. The pressure to always show up looking perfect, or to show your face to make things more “relatable,” can feel exhausting.
I’ll be honest—there are days when I’m just really happy with the way I look. I love my hair. I love the way I dress when I’m comfortable in it. And I’ve realised that that’s okay.
It’s okay to care about the way you look, as long as it’s coming from you, not because you think you have to perform for someone else.
But here’s the thing I struggle with: Sometimes, even if you don’t feel like you’re performing, it still feels like you have to be “on” all the time. And when the algorithm is pushing us to post videos, there’s this extra layer of pressure to create content that keeps people watching. Instagram wants those 15-second videos, the ones where you’re engaging, showing your face, saying something that will keep people hooked.
And what happens to the real moments, the ones where you’re just there, enjoying life, being present? The ones that don’t get captured because you’re too busy living them?
I was at the park the other day, and I saw a mum who was following her little girl around—filming her the entire time. I mean, the whole time. She didn’t even look up from her phone. Her little girl was running, playing, but her mum was focused on getting the perfect shot. And while I get it—capturing moments is beautiful—I couldn’t help but think: “When was the last time she just watched her child without the phone between them?”
I totally get that urge to capture memories, but it’s hard not to feel like we’ve lost something in the process. I’ve been guilty of this too—forgetting to take videos because I’m so caught up in the moment. And that’s okay with me. Most of the time, I’ll remember to snap a quick picture, but then I put my phone away. I want to be in the moment. It’s a tough balance, though, right?
This leads to something I’ve been thinking about: We’ve reached a point where, even if we feel like we’re showing up authentically, we’re still performing for the camera. We feel like we need to “look a certain way” to be relatable. Whether that’s showing up with messy hair and no makeup to prove we’re real, or looking polished to feel confident in what we’re sharing, there’s pressure either way. And, honestly, I think both extremes are part of the problem.
There’s this toxic mindset on both sides of the coin: On one hand, we feel the need to strip ourselves of everything “external” to prove we’re not materialistic or “performing.” On the other, we feel the pressure to look a certain way or present ourselves in a way that fits someone else’s idea of “authenticity.”
But here’s what I’m learning: There’s room for both. It’s okay to care about how we look, and it’s also okay to let go of that sometimes. We can be proud of how we look without it being a performance for anyone else. It’s about finding that balance, that happy medium where you’re true to yourself, not performing for someone else’s idea of who you should be.
So yeah, sometimes I’ll show up on social media with my face. Other times, I won’t. And that’s okay. If people need to see me to relate to what I’m saying, that’s unfortunate because there’s value in the words, in what I’m sharing, without needing to see my face every time.
I’m slowly learning that it’s okay to just be. It’s okay to have these thoughts and share them without any expectation of providing something more. This blog? It’s just me, reflecting. And if it resonates with you, that’s beautiful. If not, that’s okay too.
In the end, I just want to be real. No performance required.
