Managing emotions with adhd
Parenting is a journey filled with joy, challenges, and growth. For those of us with ADHD, it can also be a lesson in navigating emotions—especially when it comes to managing reactivity. ADHD is often associated with heightened emotional responses, and while I’d describe myself as an incredibly chill parent most of the time, there are moments when I'm not happy with the way I react to things.
Studies have shown that individuals with ADHD often experience something called emotional dysregulation. This means we might struggle to regulate the intensity of our emotions or respond proportionally to a situation. For parents, this can mean moments where we react more strongly than we’d like.
It’s a unique challenge. I can handle the general chaos of childhood without much fuss. But when I’m overstimulated—when there’s nagging, loud noises, or too many kids talking at once—I can feel really overwhelmed. It’s not about the noise itself but the sensory overload that can tip me into a reactive state.
I’m learning to manage these moments, but it’s a work in progress. There’s guilt when I feel myself being reactive, and there are struggles in trying to shift that pattern.
Still, I’ve found some tools that help me navigate these challenges and bring myself back to centre. These are my favourite ways:
Pausing: When I feel myself becoming reactive, I go silent. I take a moment to breathe and let the immediate wave of emotion pass. This pause creates a space for me to choose how I want to respond, rather than reacting impulsively.
Physical Contact: Sometimes, when I feel the urge to yell, I trick myself by hugging my children instead. The moment I make physical contact, the anger dissipates. It’s almost as if the connection reminds me of what truly matters.
Using Silliness: I’ve found that humour can be a powerful tool. If I feel the tension building, I’ll lean into being goofy—making a silly face or breaking out into a funny voice. It shifts the energy in the room and helps us all reset.
These strategies aren’t perfect, but they’re helping. They remind me that I’m not defined by my reactive moments but by the effort I’m putting into improving.
The guilt that comes with reactivity is real. I’ve had moments where I’ve looked back and thought, I could’ve handled that better. But I’ve also realised that being a parent with ADHD means embracing the whole journey. I’ve learned to have compassion for myself and to recognise that my children don’t need me to be perfect. They need me to show up, to try, and to love them through it all.
If you’re navigating similar challenges, here are a few things that have helped me:
Recognise Your Triggers: For me, overstimulation is a big one. Knowing this allows me to prepare and take steps to avoid situations that might push me over the edge.
Create a Reset Routine: Whether it’s stepping outside for a moment, splashing water on your face, or practising deep breathing, having a go-to strategy can help bring you back to calm.
Seek Support: Parenting isn’t meant to be done alone. Whether it’s talking to a partner, a friend, or a professional, having someone to share the load can make all the difference.
Celebrate the Wins: Acknowledge the moments when you handle things well. Every step forward is progress, and it’s worth celebrating.
Parenting with ADHD isn’t always easy, but it’s also a journey of growth, reflection, and learning. I’m working on being kinder to myself and embracing the fact that mistakes are part of the process. And even on the tough days, I know that love and effort mean everything.
To those of you on this journey too—know that you’re not alone.
We’re all learning as we go, and that’s okay.
